The Price of Power
by Neverknew
Summary: A/U. Shoujo-ai. HotAmi. The girls have grown and are living out their separate lives. Relationships wane and push like a tide, but the inners are inseparabe - that is, until Hotaru pulls away. Ami appears unexpectedly to check on her, but isn't prepared for the battered soldier that Hotaru has become in her absence.


A/N - 8.17.14  
I'm working on a multi-chapter Hota-Ami romance with theKueken; it's been published on a separate name, _NeverKue_. This one's super-angsty and shares a slight theme with the other, but don't expect any other similarities besides that. I don't think there will ever be more chapters released; just a one-shot that I felt the need to put on paper. I feel like there's a plethora of unexplored territory with the duality of the senshi vs the human, and that Hotaru is the one closest to that. Complicating that is her great power coupled with her short years; I could probably write stories with her for years. Thanks to my beta for convincing me to give these two a chance. Hotaru is an intriguing, confounding character to write, but oh - what a treat. Enjoy!

* * *

The psychic dropped her keys on the table, aware that there was someone in her apartment before she had even entered it. She grunted, leaning against the island counter with a curvy hip and crossing her arms before her as she glared at the intruder. "You could have called."

Ami only shook her head, flashing a key between them as she dropped a heavy tomb into a forlorn box without meeting her eyes. "I used mine. I was just coming to grab my stuff."

Hotaru humphed, but said nothing more as she watched the grace in motion move soundlessly before her. The shorter woman was fidgety under her gaze, and after a long silence she flinched, looking for words in the silent room. "I can leave my key if you want."

Hotaru watched for a moment longer, stretching out the silence, stretching out the awkwardness as she watched the woman writhe beneath her steady gaze. She knew how much it pained the blunette, but she couldn't help that she got a derived form of pleasure from alienating herself like this, from pulling and cutting strings that weren't meant to be. Finally, she shrugged, letting out an elongated breath as she turned her back on the waiting woman with a dismissive wave. "You can do whatever you want."

The silence was palpable as she opened her fridge, and the tinkle of ice into cup seemed to echo, the liquid that splashed into the cup crashing into the room as the smell of dark alcohol wafted up to the both of them. She looked up when the next text landed in the box with a thump, and Ami's statue had shifted from small to angry, her shoulders straighter, her back tighter, her eyes harboring a glint that seemed unfamiliar in those usually soft eyes.

Hotaru couldn't help the sideways smile that crept across her lips, the single eyebrow that arched, tauntingly, aggressively, as she caught eyes with the woman across the room and took a languid sip of bitter liquid.

_Strings. More strings to pull. So many buttons to press, so many lines to toe..._

Another book landed with a clatter, and Hotaru tipped the glass back fully, slipping the reminder of the bitter liquid down her protesting throat. She echoed Ami's own motion, slamming the glass onto counter, the ice clinking, rattling around the cup in protest, and brought tinted eyes to glare back at Ami.  
"THAT'S what you've been too busy doing to see us? There was a youma last week, and Mako almost died. _You weren't there_!"

_Tell her the truth. Tell her you've been trying to quiet me._

The smirk fell back to her features, and she unscrewed the cap as she spoke.  
"It fills my time."

The liquid pouring into the glass was aromatic and strong, and she welcomed it as it poured over protesting cubes.

A tick pulsed in Ami's jaw, the motion of teeth grinding against each other distinct as her eyes flashed in anger. Hotaru only shrugged, lifting the glass to her lips as she savored a small sip. "So, was that all you needed, to come get your books and look down on me in my own apartment?"

Ami pulled her stature up, leaning her weight back on balls of feet as the statement visibly threw her off-balance. She blinked, gathering her thoughts, her eyes dashing across the room before falling back to her, bright with anger and thought. "You know your parents called me yesterday? They said you haven't been by to see them in two months." They had a show _here_, in the city, for _your_ birthday, and you didn't show."

The liquor was hot and aggressive as it licked its way down her throat and she smacked her lips, relishing the taste.  
"Yeah, I had some things to do. I was busy that day."

A palpable pause as silence settled over the room. Hotaru nursed her glass, while Ami rocked deeply on balls of feet, gathering her anger and holding her tongue. When she spoke again, it was soft, almost devoid of anger and replaced with a sadness laced with pity. "There's other people outside, you know... waiting for you."

This time Hotaru rocked back on her own heels, pulling herself to full height with a steadying, cleansing breath as she rolled her eyes to the ceiling, backpedalling as she bridled her bucking temper. The pity sent Saturn beneath the surface rocking, pulling frantically at the reins held so haphazardly by alcohol. "There's an english text in my room... You might need that."

Ami said nothing, but a gasp escaped her; so sharp and hurt that Hotaru would not have been surprised had a bright crimson bloomed and stained a stark contrast upon her lilting form. The azure orbs flashed to her, light and shining and full of confusion. They fell away just as quickly, and the sound of heavy footsteps followed her down the hall until they fell away once upon the soft carpet of her own bedroom.

_Do you think she's remembering how you kissed her, there in that bedroom?_

_Shut up._

_Perhaps her eyes are washing over the lonely bed and she's thinking about the time she met... me._

_Stop._

_She doesn't know how you lay awake at night and remember what she smells like! She doesn't know that that's why you refuse to see her, does she?_

Hotaru grimaced, pouring herself a fresh, dry shot and tossing it back in desperation. The angry, haughty laughter faded as the colors faded and the world wavered beneath her. Hotaru blinked to see Ami standing before her in the hallway, the glass falling back to the counter with a tap and a look of disgust crowding Ami's features.

The anger rose in her instantly; hot and fervid and uncontrollable. The room cooled slightly but she closed her eyes against it and steadied herself against the counter. She fluttered her eyes open, a cool, toothy smile on her lips and all the anger and destruction displayed brazenly in her eyes. "You know. It's probably better if I take that key after all."

The pain was imminent in the blunette's eyes, and she took a step back, grasping the heavy text in even tighter fingers. The sane side of Hotaru told her to stop, to backpedal, to save this. But Saturn was in control now, the anger licking at her insides, making her want to explode and the hurt in Ami's eyes was only fueling, feeding this foreign monster.

The blunette visibly steeled herself, pausing her backpedal, her fingers squeezing white around the heavy text in her hands. Her eyes hardened and she stepped forward, closing the distance between herself and the box, dropping the book in with a thump. "If that's what you want."

Saturn only smiled further, savoring this.  
"That is what I would like, yes."

The tick returned to Ami's cheek as she pulled the keys out of her pocket. Saturn watched silently, settling onto barstool as she triumphantly watched the woman struggle with removing key from ring, the tears pulling at corners of her eyes, gloating upon the slight shake in her fingers.

"You hide in here from the world with your drink, Hotaru."

Another sip as she watched.  
"I will."

The key landed with a smack, clattering across the counter and finally sliding to an injured stop in front of her.  
"You... you and your _friend_ in your head."

_Oh! But she DOES remember me. I wonder, does she savor it? Or does she simply try to bury me away like an unwelcome guest? Ask her, does she hide it as you do, guard it, like your treasured secret? Or does she drink it all away into oblivion like a cryptic secret?_

The smile on Saturn's lips fell away, and when she spoke her voice was ice-cold.  
"You leave my friend out of this."

Ami returned the cold stare ten-fold, unshed tears shining behind her eyes as the temperature of the room dropped.  
"There's real people waiting out there. If you wanna sit in this apartment and _rot_, you be my guest. But you don't need real friends, right? Not when you have your _other_ in here with you."

There was nothing left but hot, licking anger. She didn't notice the cup trembling on the counter between them, the frost that blanketed the room, the pufts that escaped their lips and settled upon soft features. She stood, the power of Saturn dripping, leaking into the room around them. "Thanks for stopping by, Ames. It was real nice o' you."

Ami nodded, her lip curled angrily before teeth, spitting her words as she backpedalled towards the box and door.  
"I guess you don't need us."

Hotaru flinched, the pots and utensils behind her rattling in their place as she moved around counter to watch her leave. Ami laid box against hip effortlessly in her strong grip, her other land laying on doorknob. "Who needs friends when you have power, right?"

The whole room rattled between them. The table shook, spasmed on its legs, as the box spit pages in all directions, a vacuum swirling them around the room. The space between them opened, the stars and sun blinding, spinning, twinkling in their majesty as they floated before them.  
"NOBODY KNOWS THE PRICE OF MY POWER!"

Her hair whipped around them in a cyclone, the vacuum opening up and pulling at them. The furniture rattled in its place, the anger dripping, lapping at her until she knew no reason. All she felt was power- pure and angry and so intense she could lose herself in it. It swallowed her, enveloped her, and all she knew was the white-hot grip of it, suffocating her. The exhilarating thrill of it coursed through her body and she relished it.

Soft lips pressed against her own and the the power washed away, relinquishing its possessive hold upon her. The room stilled to silence, the wind ceased. The sudden void left her empty, helpless in it's abandonment and for the first time the caw of Saturn fell silent. The room was still around them, the fluttering pages raining upon them as Ami held up her suddenly frail body. A whimper cut through the air and with closed panic Hotaru recognized it as her own. A shaky, raspy breath escaped her and she realized she was trembling, powerless beneath Ami's touch. The loss of anger left her tired, lethargic and all she was was spent, wasted away and Ami's sweet kiss was grounding her, holding her steady.

Ami's words were a whisper. She could taste her own tears upon soft lips.  
"I do."


End file.
